Social circles and relationships tend to change with age. As we get older, we may face the loss of friends or family members more frequently, but we also have opportunities to form new friendships. It may not be as easy as it once was to find new connections, though. Reduced income, mobility issues, and other factors can make it challenging to maintain a vibrant social life. Although it’s always possible to connect with people in your community, some older adults may have an easier time with this than others. One explanation for this is different attachment styles. Your early childhood experiences can have a notable impact on the way you form relationships throughout your adult life, so understanding your attachment style could give you some valuable insight into how you connect with others.
Types of Attachment Styles
Developmental psychologists have been researching attachment for more than 50 years. Today, they recognize four main types of attachment styles:
1. Secure Attachment
Securely attached people are comfortable with intimacy and aren’t anxious about rejection. They find it easy to connect with others, and they don’t worry about abandonment.
2. Ambivalent Attachment
Also known as anxious-preoccupied attachment, ambivalent attachment can cause an individual to be clingy or needy in a relationship. This type of attachment typically develops when the caregiver in early childhood is inconsistent with how they offer love and affection. People who show ambivalent attachment may be fearful that family members, friends, or romantic partners will leave them even if they have no reason to believe this.
3. Avoidant-dismissive Attachment
This attachment style causes the individual to avoid intimacy or close relationships with others. They prefer not to rely on others, and they may withdraw if someone starts to get close to them. In many cases, this is caused by a fear of intimacy rather than the lack of a need for it. Everyone needs connection, but avoidant-dismissive attachment can make people wary.
4. Disorganized Attachment
This style of attachment usually results from childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. These experiences can cause extreme fearfulness and anxiety in relationships. The individual may feel like they don’t deserve love, or they may feel unsafe getting close to others.
The most famous research study on attachment styles was called the Strange Situation study. During this study, researchers observed how children between 12 and 18 months of age interacted with their mothers as they entered and exited the room. Based on their observations, the researchers concluded that a child’s attachment style affects how they react when their caregiver departs, what their level of interest is in exploring their environment, and how anxious they feel when a stranger appears.
Why Attachment Style Matters for Seniors
Although you develop your attachment style in early childhood, it can affect your well-being throughout your entire life. For seniors, social interaction is one of the key components of well-being as it promotes emotional, cognitive, and even physical health.
However, seniors are much more likely to experience social isolation than younger adults, and they have to make an active effort to have meaningful interactions with friends and family. If your attachment style prevents you from getting close to others, though, you may struggle to get the social connection you need to maintain your physical and emotional well-being.
One study examined the effects that the four attachment styles had on the well-being of seniors from several ethnic groups. The researchers found that seniors with secure and dismissive attachment styles showed better well-being than those with ambivalent or fearful attachment styles.
Another study published in the Canadian Journal on Aging found similar results. Older adults with secure and dismissive attachment styles were happier than those with fearful or anxious styles as indicated by the questionnaires the participants completed.
Attachment styles may be even more impactful on well-being in older adults than they are in younger adults because of the unique needs and challenges that arise later in life. Seniors are vulnerable to a number of mental health concerns, including depression and anxiety. These disorders could make it harder to overcome ambivalent, anxious, or disorganized attachment styles. Those with unhealthy attachment types may also be more likely to develop mental health disorders than those with secure attachment.
Signs of Unhealthy Attachment in Older Adults
Attachment theory is complex, and the layperson may not be able to evaluate someone’s attachment style with certainty. However, there are certain signs of unhealthy attachment that you should be watchful for in yourself and in your loved ones:
• Reliance on others for approval or excessively seeking validation from others
• Difficulty asking for help
• Avoiding emotional intimacy at all costs; shutting down during emotional conversations
• Preferring short-lived, casual friendships over close relationships
• Needing to constantly be around a friend, family member, or romantic partner
• Anxiety about being left or abandoned by a loved one
If you notice these behaviors in yourself or a senior loved one, an attachment issue may be the cause. Not only do unhealthy attachment types cause emotional distress, but they can also cause the individual to engage in unhealthy behaviors to cope with their stress or anxiety.
Promoting Well-being in Seniors
Social interaction is important for health and well-being, but not every older adult will want to socialize in the same way. Some seniors may be incredibly social and may love meeting people and forming close friendships. Others may feel like they don’t need close relationships to be happy or healthy. Anxiety about abandonment may be common among older adults, too.
If you or a loved one is struggling with relationships in old age, the best thing you can do is practice compassion. Don’t judge yourself or your loved one for feeling anxious, unsure, or skeptical about companionship. Remember that there are many complicated factors that affect our ability to connect with others, and they may not all be within your control.
Taking small steps to connect with others can be helpful. You don’t have to immediately open up to a new friend about vulnerable topics. Instead, a short conversation with a neighbor or community member could be a great way to lay the groundwork for a friendship.
Therapy can be a valuable experience for seniors who have anxious or fearful attachment styles, too. Maintaining relationships is an important way to promote the mental health of older adults, and counseling can help you overcome attachment issues and learn to cope with anxiety.
Your attachment style can have a major impact on your relationships and your overall well-being as you age, but it’s always possible to form close and healthy bonds with others. If you or an aging loved one is interested in therapy for social or emotional well-being, Blue Moon Senior Counseling is happy to help. Contact us today to connect with a licensed therapist in your area.