Losing a spouse is one of the most painful and life-changing experiences anyone can go through. You’ve shared your whole life with someone, and all of a sudden, you have to go on without them. This can affect every moment of your day and can cause a whole range of emotions that can change day to day and sometimes minute by minute. Most commonly people facing sudden grief can feel lost, confused, angry, depressed and/ or numb.
Mourning isn’t a simple process. You may feel fine one day and feel devastated the next. Over time, though, the sadness should lessen and lessen. You won’t forget about your spouse, but you’ll find it easier to go about your day without constantly feeling the weight of the grief. Reaching this point takes time and patience, but if you commit yourself to the healing process, you can get through this devastating loss.
Here Are Seven Tips for Coping with Grief after the Death of a Spouse
1. Be kind to yourself.
Self-compassion is one of the most important ideas to remember when you’re grieving after the death of a spouse. You might be used to holding yourself to a high standard and handling everything on your own, but you need to go easy on yourself while you grieve. If you can’t fulfill social obligations or keep your home perfectly clean, try not to feel upset with yourself. It takes time to adjust after a loss, and criticizing yourself for your response to your grief is the last thing you need.
You also shouldn’t expect yourself to feel any specific emotions or to experience the stages of grief in a particular order. Everyone’s reaction to death and loss is different. You might feel more angry than sad, or you might feel completely numb to your emotions for a while. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but the best way to respond is to accept your own emotions with kindness.
2. Allow yourself to feel your grief.
If you wake up one morning without feeling sad, you shouldn’t force yourself to feel sad because it’s the expected response to death. However, if you are feeling strong emotions, you have to allow yourself to experience them. Let your mind and heart react the way they naturally react, and let yourself simply sit with the feelings.
This can be a key step toward healing after losing a spouse. You can’t start to recover until you process the emotions, and feeling and expressing your grief without self-judgment will help to ease the burden.
3. Surround yourself with your support system.
Older adults sometimes isolate themselves after the death of a spouse. You may withdraw from family and friends because the person who understands you better than anyone is no longer with you. While the company of your other loved ones may not be the same as the companionship of your life partner, you do need a strong support system around you as you try to get through this painful time.
Your family and friends may try to offer words of comfort, but not everyone knows what to say to someone who’s grieving. If you don’t want to talk to them about your emotions, you could ask them to simply spend time with you so that you’re not alone. Grief support groups can be a great resource, too, especially if you don’t have a large support network nearby.
4. Don’t rush yourself or let others rush you.
Just like there are no right or wrong emotions to feel after the death of a spouse, there is no clear timeline for your healing. Some people feel ready to return to their usual activities much sooner than others, but you’re not better or worse for healing quickly or for taking your time. Don’t rush yourself as you grieve, and don’t let others rush you. When the time comes to return to your regular routine, you’ll know that you’re ready.
5. Honor your memories.
Reminiscing on your time with your spouse can be difficult after their death. You don’t have to linger on your memories if they’re causing you pain, but many seniors find that celebrating their memories can be a very meaningful experience.
Sharing your memories of your spouse with someone else can be a great way to express yourself and connect with your support system. You and a family member or friend who knew your spouse could share stories with each other to honor their life. Hearing new stories about your spouse from other people can help you keep your heart full of love even as you navigate the pain of loss. You could even create a scrapbook, a journal, or an audio recording of your memories so that you have a permanent reminder of their legacy.
6. Look for new friends.
While returning to your usual routine and social circle can be very comforting while healing after death, it also may be helpful to look for new friendships. Losing a spouse can feel like losing a best friend, and you may feel a need for more social interaction. Expanding your social circle can offer you a respite from your grief, and it can provide a chance to create your new normal after your loss.
Look for opportunities around your community to meet other seniors. Your local senior center may offer classes or clubs, or you could volunteer for a charity to meet new people while helping your community. Don’t expect yourself to feel ready to socialize right away, but when you’re ready, allow yourself to seek out friendships so that you reduce your risk of loneliness and isolation.
7. Speak to a counselor.
Intense emotions after the death of a spouse are normal, so grief is not considered a mental health disorder. Talking to a mental health professional can be incredibly valuable when processing a loss, though. This can be especially helpful for seniors who are hesitant to open up and talk about their emotions with friends or family. If you’re looking for a private and secure place to grieve, counseling may be the answer.
Your counseling session is your opportunity to talk through your emotions and come to terms with your loss. Your therapist will help you find safe and healthy ways to navigate the grieving process. As you take steps toward healing, you can use counseling as a chance to better understand yourself and set new life goals as you enter this new stage.
The death of a spouse can feel like the end of the world, but you have the strength to carry on. What’s most important as you grieve is to be compassionate with yourself. Take your time, don’t set expectations, and let yourself feel whatever you feel. Your life may never be exactly the same, but you will continue to find meaning and purpose after your loss.
Blue Moon Senior Counseling offers therapy for older adults who are facing grief, loss, and other challenging life experiences. If you’re interested in counseling for seniors, you can contact us today.